I have a new book!

I never intended to write a book about my ongoing journey with post-traumatic stress disorder. I started writing haiku in 2009, after the birth of my third child. Senryu, tanka, and kyoka followed soon after. My poems largely chronicled life during that chaotic and beautiful time of parenting.

hiding from my daughter
play peek-a-boo
the moon

First in Seven by Twenty, October 4, 2012

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that my early haiku and senryu often delved straight into my trauma without me consciously realizing it.

despite the clouds
I still believe . . .
rose moon

First in hedgerow 13, January 23, 2015

remembering
what it was like
before I knew

moongarlic E-zine, Issue 4, May 2015

But I didn’t intentionally focus on my darker side until I saw a call for dark haiku from Scryptic, a new journal co-founded by Rowan Beckett.

IN SOMe NIghtmare Again

Scryptic, Issue 2.2, August 2018

Until then, it never crossed my mind to write sad or horror-driven haiku, even though I love scifaiku. I felt that I now had permission to explore all of my hidden and buried corners, so that I could answer this call for submissions. As I dabbled in my so-called dark side, new poems — and memories — began to emerge. I started to chronicle emotions and experiences that had heretofore seemed forbidden.

frayed rope
the last of my emotions
betrays me

Scryptic, Issue 2.3, October 2018

every week the same
tangled branches outside
my therapist’s window

2nd place, 23rd International “Kusamakura” Competition (2018)

By 2019, I felt I had enough poetry to create a collection, but I didn’t know how to begin. I decided to look at themes in my work. I had a small set of sentimental parenting poems, a second grouping of intense trauma work, and everything else — a large helping of what I deemed “pensive poems.”

searching the night sky
for any trace of your love . . .
meteor shower

Selected Haiku Submission, 10th Annual Yamadera Bashō Memorial Museum English Haiku Contest, August 24, 2018

In 2020, Rowan Beckett, then at Title IX Press (now Moth Orchid Press), helped me craft my first chapbook, The Call of Wildflowers, giving my parenting collection a home. You can read these poems online for free here.

on the balcony
our children dance
to the rhythm of bubbles

The Call of Wildflowers, Title IX Press, May 12, 2020

That left me with hard-core trauma poems and my so-called pensive collection. I next tried putting together a set of only pensive poems. This collection lacked cohesion and failed to land a publisher.

tropical airport—
kisses on every cheek
but mine

Haiku Dialogue, November 30, 2022 (published after eight rejections!)

Mixing my pensive poems with my trauma collection elicited so much anxiety in me! Many of those pensive poems take on new meanings when you look at them through a trauma lens. While combining my collections added depth to my work, I felt deeply exposed.

falling cards the house panic built me

Prune Juice Journal, March 1, 2022

Despite my misgivings, I continued to craft this new set of poetry and attempted to give it a narrative arc. My haiku friends have been very supportive of me and my new collection, which found a home with Sable Books. Kala Ramesh, final judge in the Sable Books’ International Women’s Haiku Contest for 2021, awarded first place to Grasping the Fading Light. My debut print collection is now available through Amazon and I feel very grateful.

September twilight
a honeybee’s slow descent
into goldenrod

First appeared as an Honorable Mention in the HSA Haiku Awards, 2022